One of the most important steps in recovery is making amends with loved ones and rebuilding trust. Doing so helps create an atmosphere of healing, closure, and growth. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf. The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible. Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends.

Treatment

It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse. If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor. Remember that the decision of whom to make amends to should be made thoughtfully, and it’s advisable to consult with a sponsor, therapist, or support group members to ensure your approach is appropriate. The goal is not only to seek forgiveness but also to promote healing, reconciliation, and personal growth for both you and the individuals involved. There are also circumstances where there is no “black or white” answer as to whether a direct amends would be appropriate.

Make a List

You took the initiative and made an effort by taking responsibility for your actions. There may be a situation when the person has an living amends outlandish or manipulative request that you cannot fulfill. In this case, thank them for the opportunity of letting you take responsibility for your mistake. Then, tell them you cannot fulfill it but are still remorseful regarding your actions. Apologizing in this way may open the door to continued healing, growth, and restored relationships in recovery.

Family and Children’s Programs

The process of making amends may, at first, appear daunting. Keeping in mind the “why” behind this important step can help provide the motivation to follow through. Older children will more clearly understand our explanations of addiction and how that affected us, but that doesn’t mean we should spend much time on the subject. As you’re making amends, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. It’s important to make sure that you are in the best mental space before making amends. Here are some tips on how to make the process smoother for you.

The Importance of Making Amends in the 12-Step Program

We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. Was this relationship positive and healthy before the events in question? Let them know that, while you can never change what happened, you would like nothing more than the chance to make things right.